I'm getting used to it.

I'm exhausted, you know. I have no strenghts for anything that requires more than just my will.
But here I am. Because I need it, because I need you, because I needed you. I've needed you all along these days and you haven't been here. But I am trying to be strong, I'm trying to put you first. I haven't been the best I can be. I haven't been what you've needed. So, I'm sorry. I'm here now, though. I'm here begging your forgiveness. I'm here because I miss you, even more than I dare to admit. But I do. I definitely can not live without you. It seems you can, though.
I don't even know what I'm saying, see. I'm rambling. I'm mumbling, only God knows what. Why is all that? It's just because I'm an idiot, I need you, I know that. But, babe, I'm trying to guess where in hell do I fit. You have your life, I've noticed that, I see it everytime you're with me, you're not entirely there, but me, honey, I don't have anywhere else to run. I have no one else who I would like to go to. I'm always wearing that mask I only take off with you. I can't do that forever, though. I guess at some point I should've realized I wasn't going to be able to do it for longer that this. I don't belong to that world of yours, I am not like that. I'm not leaving, I'm just trying to find my own way. It would be easier if you helped me. It would be easier if I had your support, just as you have mine.
Don't worry. I'm getting used to this. I'm getting used to the feeling of shutting down my mouth and swallowing all those words.
But, even I know that that's dangerous, that someday there will be no way back from that emptiness or that loneliness or that feeling of not fitting.
My eyes are shutting down. My soul is collapsing. My heart, my heart is ripping itself out.
So this is it. I just needed to say, babe, I miss you like hell.
I want to know how you are, how you feel. What's going on. I don't know, and it hurts. But I'm kind of getting used to it, and I hate it.